How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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