and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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