k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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