my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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