awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
