my vag is so smooth its legendary
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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