If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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