Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
