We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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