So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize