My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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