she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
