remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just cropdusted the office
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
