Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
