We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
