I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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