So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
smell my finger.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
