Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
