So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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