So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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