She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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