At least make sure they are 18
Why
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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