Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
