I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
