I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
