He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
