I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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