It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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