sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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