I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
