I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
