nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it hurts more in the daytime
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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