Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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