someone threw a dead crab at me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize