it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
