The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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