I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
