my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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