How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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