It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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