I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
