On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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