I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
