I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
