She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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