i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
