He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
