So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
