the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
