Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
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