Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
