i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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