I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
