Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
