Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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