Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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