we're blogging at a bar
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there's paper in my vomit.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
