How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
