Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Green mimosas i think yes
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
