My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize