I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
