i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
