i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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