a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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