allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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