Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
