The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
